and its raining..
i fell in the mud ..
and twisted my foot
until my whole leg twisted and gave way..
my belly is cold
and theres no sun shining right now
and i just dont get some things
but thats alright..
and she told us about the time ppl would od on panadol because there just wasnt anything else..
and alex and aquila were on the news..
which made mine and kane's television addvertisment such an anticlimax..
but its okay
because we are hot..
if your with kane and near a video camera ...
walk in a different direction..
or you could end up on a fashion fair add pretending to really dig the hideous clothes in the scenery..
and i have missed talking paulo
and alex too maybe
i dont like not having smokes to smoke
or drugs to smoke for that matter
but thats just a silly thing of the past i guess..
ive been smoking pot daily.. (more than that).. for like what now??? years... and years.. and more... thats bad,,.
wow
12:54
almost.
alex the junkie..
i just dont know
crumbling tongue ring scattered throughout my mouth..
fatality...
i miss late nights playing mortal kombat deadly allience with jade..
she was always such a sore loser..
we completed.. 216 levels out of 220 i think it is...
it took us days.. weeks even..
its been months since ive experienced this whole menstural blood thing...
i dont like it.. go away.
and i remember the time i gave jessica that back massage..
and danni with her coinslot
i remember when the three of us sat there that day .. about to be suspended from school for smoking cigarettes...
talking about nutella sailing boats...spoons..
and spacemman shoes..
normal almost.
what is that smell?
2:10
and its all about blanks and holes and void and oblique lines.. and eye lashes.. sharing space.. it is.
and five year old pictures of serath..
and real five (maybe seven) year old pictures of serath.
jarrod williams.
whatever..
i was a strange young being
:-[Serath Zephram:-[ "Im just a turbulent ray of sunshine"
just signed in
how fucking bazaar
not that we talk anymore or anything
so inlove i was
you know how it is to be 11 and told a spunky gothic boy on the internet is inlove with you...
and you send fake pictures of yourself
and having huge moments of truth
crying and everything pathetic..
everything he ever said had no truth..
fake novels he used to tell me he was writing...he did.
when really..
it was just his sex life
so powerful he had me believing he was
he wanted to paint me naked..
i sent a fake pair of underware to his po box address i remember still today..
stories about sex with window wipers..
phone calls at 6 oclock in the morning..
loosing my virginity to jack while thinking about nothing but jarrod williams
so many lies were exchanged..
so much hurt
such a big head
i was so impressionable
jarrod williams will never grow up..
i still have that too..
why am i like this?
indian mud huts..
and finding tampons in his sisters room...
lies about april and babies..
and brick walls..
and scanned arses
and jesus
and anti-drugs
and hornet basketball hats
and nwa brimbed hats..
and straw cupboards
and boots.. i liked his boots..
and dogs made out of snow..
and paper skulls
and anti poems
and strange black things connected to the bridge of your glasses..
and cheeky smilies
and dorkie boys with nice cars drunk on orange juice
and anti-drugs
and tongue rings
and scanned noses
and red hair
pepsi canvas chairs
and long brown hair
electric guitars and big speakers
14 pages of lies and cries
spells and harsh words in a box just over there
starwars posters and blue floral curtains
pale skin
black lipstick
Hadji the pedophile
check it laps
and missing light globes..
and anti-drugs
mirrors and macdonalds uniforms
and you do wonder what that noise is
and you dont leave the same
i never thought it would ever be this funny that day.
and you do think about ppl like him
and what their children will look like
and if they exsist..
pixels on a screen..
and you wonder how they are
and you still get that same wierd fucked up .. ready to self combust feeling in your chest when you go to say hi.
im bored.
3:09
but its all just blank.. just look... and its nothing really.. its nothing.. see-through almost. truth. and little amounts of flesh covering jaggered bones.. just floating around.. i bled for you so much.
